But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
