We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
