I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i now understand why vodka
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
