**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
