drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
