You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
