woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize