then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
