I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
