I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
