You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
