So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
