My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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