Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
