It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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