legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
