well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
