I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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