I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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