I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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