cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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