All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
