D3 body, D1 cock
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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