Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
