my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize