i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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