He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
