and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
