I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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