I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I lost the right to judge tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
