You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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