my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
