i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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