Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
