ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
