If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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