omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's shark week go big or go home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
