my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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