you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
