she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
