that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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