We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
