I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
