Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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