loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
