I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
