thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
