never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
