I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
