I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
