I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
