I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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