Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
