Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
