I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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