just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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