the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
