Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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