I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
