So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
