eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
