So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
