Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
